I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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