apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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