I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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