my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
