some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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