i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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