You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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