I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
