his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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