Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
