I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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