We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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