...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
