Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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