you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
