meet me or not, i'm out of control
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
