i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
