If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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