Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
