They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
