Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Drake has all the answers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
