it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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