sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
