I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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