Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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