Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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