Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
