I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
