I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
