ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
