he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
