Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're a waste of cheezeits
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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