Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
