and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize