hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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