normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
