thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
