just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
