I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
