I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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