I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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