I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
