I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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