Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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