An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
