just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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