he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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