I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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