it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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