member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
