I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
