Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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