Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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