People with herpes should wear stickers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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