gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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