just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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