The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
