so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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