I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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