Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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