I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
In America we eat man semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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